Before any big festival or event, we get excited. So excited that we can barely wait for it.
Our expectation increases along with excitement, and as a result the event itself doesn’t feel grand. We don’t enjoy the festival as much as we’d thought we’d enjoy.
The festival ends, and you feel sad again that the festival had to end. Basically, you get excited before the event, don’t enjoy the event and feel sad that the event has to end.
We’re not enjoying the event itself, so there’s only sadness during the end. Instead of making it work this way, we should try and focus on the event instead of the before and after. The before and after barely matters. In fact, it doesn’t matter at all.
If we give too much of our focus to before and after, we’ll miss the event. Focusing on event should be the main goal. And it will guarantee that we’ll enjoy the event.
The reason we feel extremely excited before the festival is because we have memory of our past experience during the festival. You expect something similar. But the problem is that expectation reduces the joy of life.
If you expect something before hand, the event itself won’t be as fun as it could have been. The reason past experience were joyful was because you weren’t expecting it. You didn’t know what to expect. So, it was fun and exciting.
However, when you grow up, it doesn’t feel exciting as much because you use the past memory to set the expectation. That’s why you feel extremely excited before the event and feel sad after the event because it didn’t meet your expectation.
For example, we have Dashain and Tihar festival here in Nepal. It just ended and I’m feeling sad somewhere. Feeling sad that I didn’t get to enjoy as much as in the past. That feeling stays only if I compare the present with the past.
For me to enjoy this event, I shouldn’t set any expectation and enjoy it as it comes. I should do this my own way instead of persisting to have it like the past moments.
I was excited when this festival started and I’m sad that this festival had to end. But didn’t enjoy the festival itself.
So, stop setting expectation before the event and instead, focus on enjoying the event itself.
Webmentions
Whenever you’re progressing at something, it’s very important to set realistic expectation.
Most people get inspired to try new things. It might be sport, academic subject or other things along those line.
If you see a video of guys skateboarding, you feel inspired to do the same. You wish you could skateboard the same way they do.
After you get inspired, you start to learn skateboarding. You might be making initial progress, but if you compare yourself with those professional skaters, you start to feel like a loser. You feel like you’ve not been making any progress because you’re still not like them.
It might be with anything. Playing basketball, football, guitar, speaking, blogging, etc.
It’s good to get inspired. But it’s very unhealthy to view them as competition. You’ll never feel like you’ve made significant progress. You’ll always feel like a loser.
You need to get the fundamentals right by focusing on the basics during the initial stage of learning. For example, if you’re inspired by Lebron James to start playing Basketball. You start to learn to dribble. Maybe you make significant progress than other people who area learning to play basketball. But after that, since you had Lebron James in mind, you’ll start to compare your skills with those top players and feel like you’ve not made any progress.
Most people quit after that.
Now that I’m aware of these behaviors, I remember how I quit learning to play guitar. I wanted to learn how to play the guitar after I saw my friends play it. It was awesome. I wanted to be like them. I wanted to be able to play guitar by myself when I was lonely.
And then I started to learn how to play guitar. I went to classes and was making slow progress. But even after months of training, I couldn’t reach the level of my friends or of those who I looked up with inspiration.
After frustration, I quit it. Maybe I was making progress, but I didn’t see it because I was too focus on the outcome. I didn’t care about the fundamentals or the basics of playing guitar. I only focused on the outcome, which made me quit playing it altogether.
Maybe you’re also doing something similar on stuff you want to learn. You don’t have realistic expectation, and since you can’t meet those expectation, you quit.
Always keep in mind that you need to master the fundamentals first. You need to move on with basics. Look up others not as a competition but as a inspiration.
If you focus on the immediate next thing, you’ll slowly move towards the man you want to become. Focus on present and reward yourself for small victories you win along the way.
Set realistic expectation on anything you do. This is very important!
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