College sent me the essay, which I've pasted below. I don't mark it as a good essay but got 8 out of 10/12 which is pretty decent for me.
In short, Being too serious at work may help you attain your goals but it might not help improve other aspects of life. For example: I've been working on programming for a long time, and eventually I might get better at it but it won't make much of a difference to other people. My social skills will drop which means that I can't communicate effectively with other individuals. We were designed to live in a society, and focusing on only one thing might effect us. True happiness, as philosophers mention, is only achieved when we indulge ourselves for the welfare of mankind. We should not try and neglect other important aspects of life like socializing.