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Self Trust

Shadow of a Man
To create or bend a situation in my favor, I used to lie to people most of the time. The situation would then favor me in the short run, but I'd have to suffer in the long run.

If you lie once, you'll need to remember the lie every time. Not only the lie, but the environment, condition, people, and everything else which holds the lie. Whereas, if you speak the truth, you'll only need to remember the truth.

It's easier to get caught up in whole lie bubble. You'll be the middle of attraction and you attract lies. If you speak the truth, you're gone. You can't afford to speak the truth. Speaking truth is like lying inside the lie bubble.

I'd lie to teachers to stop myself from being punished for not doing my homework.

Since I'd lie others, I'd also lie myself. I'd lie that I'll complete the assignment during the night. I'd learn to play guitar. I'd exercise every morning. I won't use computer at night. I'll read everyday, etc.

Now, I try to minimize that. I don't lie to myself anymore.

Not lying to yourself is very important. Self trust is what builds a strong foundation for yourself. I think this is the major base for self improvement.

I asked myself, "Can I trust myself?". And sadly, I answered No.

It's true, I can't even trust myself because I lie everyday. I lie that I won't spend much time on Facebook. I lie that I'll be more productive and focus on improving myself. I lie that I'll eat healthy. I lie that I'll meditate daily. I lie that I'll take care of myself. I lie that I won't be afraid of the world.

I am pretty sick. I lie to myself. Even after taking a self improvement journey, I never realized this: self trust is actually the most important aspect of improving yourself.

If I can't trust myself, how can I move forward? There isn't much I can do. If I promise that I'll do something, I start to doubt if I'll do it. If I say, I'll meditate everyday, my mind starts to wander if I'll really make it.

That's bad. If I doubt myself, I can't move forward, even an inch. Let alone succeed.

From now, I'm resolving that I won't lie to myself. I'll try to minimize it as much as I can.

If I say I'll write a blog post today morning, I'll write it in the morning. If I'm not sure that I'll write or not, I won't say that I'll write.

I used to procrastinate as soon as I'd say I'll write. I would search for distractions and easy way out to avoid doing my work. And I'd succeed at lying myself.

I would then never complete the work. Now, if I'm sick then I won't resolve into writing a blog post. If I say I won't open Facebook, then I won't. It's as simple as that.

I'm trying to develop self trust, becasue in the end you're the one who matters. Not others. Lying to others is bad, and lying yourself is contagious - it's even worse. Even if you lie others, make sure you won't lie yourself.

If you think you can't do something, just don't commit into it. Don't commit and withdraw. It will decrease your self trust.

You can consider starting this by taking baby steps. First of all don't commit on something you think you can't complete. Make small promises like you'll brush your teeth at night and actually do it. It's a small step but it can be a powerful motivational tool when you are consciously building your self trust.

Your main goal should be to reach to the point where you can easily trust yourself disregarding the situation. Start with baby steps, you'll reach there.

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